Abstract The presence of particles leads to varying degrees of mass loss on a metal sealing surface, which severely affects the seal’s lifespan. Understanding the complex wear mechanism and optimizing the surface roughness morphology are particularly important in engineering. By characterizing the surface of the metal (SS 304) with different roughness parameters Ra, Rp, Rpk, Rpc and Rku, the variation mode of mass loss under abrasive wear conditions was revealed. Unlike traditional two-body wear, the involvement of abrasive particles significantly impacts surface Ra and other surface morphologies (asperity peak features). A contact model for metal rough surfaces, distinct from two-body contact, was established to clarify the changes in removal mechanisms. It was found that the change in the contact between the particle and the asperity peak led to a change in the mass loss and guided the appropriate metal roughness range: Ra 0.05 μm and Ra 0.6–0.8 μm. In addition, it was found that the removal of asperity peaks is holistic under low roughness, and only parts of asperity peaks are removed under high roughness. Notably, the metrological methods used in this study supplement existing roughness measurements. By exploring the complex removal mechanism of asperity peaks, micro-scale guidance for surface (texture) design, machining, and optimization is provided. Keywords: three-body wear; microscopic surface morphology; metal surface roughness; asperity peaks